Talking About Blah Cos I Feel Blah

It’s another one of those dark days where nothing seems right and you look at yourself and burst into tears. You can’t quite place your emotions and that adds to the general feeling of gloom and doom. I feel I have PMS perpetually. I think that’s a bad thing. I know it’s not fair on the people around me. It’s definitely not fair on me.

I know I get almost everything I ask for. That makes me sound like an ungrateful brat but I’m not-honest. I work hard for the things I want and yes I know it is likely my parents do favour me over my brothers but I would rather give up my privileges and live a life as the unnoticed middle child.

The weight you have to bear as the first born is more than a little irritating. With all my uni issues and fam issues, I’m swimming against the tide at the moment. Then lo and behold my brother decides he wants a pow wow this morning. I’m up for a fight usually because it means I get to exercise my vocabulary but today it just put me in such a deep state of depression.

I spent my entire day watching Skins with a trembling lip. I feel horrid like someone’s punched me in the stomach and stole the novel I’m reading currently AND dumped a vat of kitty litter on my head. I know this feeling will pass because such things always do. You just shrug it off, put on your best ‘Eat My Shorts’ face and move on. It’s easier said than done but I think the thing I forgot often is that tomorrow IS another day. Yes I do want to bust out Gone with the Wind quotes but I think it is highly applicable in this case.

I go through people’s blogs and I’m in awe of these wonderful courageous people that I have never met physically but feel so in sync with otherwise. It gives me strength and I don’t feel as lonely. I also am aware that perhaps no one reads this blog or will read it but I’m alright with that. I think that in itself shows how I’ve matured over the years. To write a blog and not have someone read it would be a huge disappointment for me, say a year or so ago? But I’ve reached that stage where you know what world?! If you don’t care then I’m still going to do my shiz and try to feel just a little ickle bit happy while doing it.

Oh here’s a little tip for if you’re feeling a bit down too. Right, picture your favourite television show. Now pick out a character in that show who you fancy immensely and savour a long embrace with this character in your mind’s eye (mind you, this can be more than an embrace if you like).

I usually do not go for bad boys because well…they’re bad but I’ve been using this imagination technique with Cook from Skins and it is a wee bit sad but hey it makes me a happy pappy so there. 

Impertinence- the bane of my existence

I've been preparing this rant in my mind all day, finally I can unleash it on the internet.

I spent my entire college day rolling my eyes at complete Neanderthals. If I lived in an ideal world I would get up, point at these brainless oafs and say ‘OYE YOU, YOU AND YOU. SHUT UP I’M INTERESTED IN LEARNING ABOUT PROGESTERONE.’ Alas this is not an ideal world and if it was I suppose no one would be rude in the first place.

I think one of my peers is giving me the evils now because I did kind of tell him that he was the most irritating person in the class. I know it makes me sound really frank and outspoken but take into consideration that this prick would not let up the commentary throughout each and every lesson. He also asked what menstruation is. 

I’m rolling my eyes just thinking of it. I don’t find learning about sex, very hmm sexy? So tell me why you loud obnoxious people get such a high out of making the most crass and UNFUNNY sex-related jokes during biology class.  

Are secondary sexual characteristics really so comedic? 

Am I just boring? Meh I like being boring. 

Bum Baring and Other Things

Is baring your bum on the internet a type of female empowerment? I see it so often on various tumblrs, these girls just shedding clothes like it’s no problem at all. Maybe I’m just a frigid cow- which I actually have no issues with but I digress- but how does the fact that you have no obvious modesty and choose to exhibit yourself show that you are a great feminist with a great body and oh such a great mind?

I get quite angry thinking of these pseudo-intellectuals and their pretentious writing dominating the blogsphere. I don’t claim to be particularly extraordinary nor do I have the balls to take close-ups of my derriere but I don’t think someone who does all these things should be put up on the internet pedestal and worshipped like some demigod. But hey whatever right? I’ll just continue to grumble through life because it’s fun to be cynical.

I would name and shame these so-called bloggers but I’m not that cruel and perhaps I’m just a teeny weeny bit jealous that they have it in them to present themselves to the whole world and not think of hater comments.

Anyway, I finally finished up with my IELTS exam yesterday. Eventhough the writing portion didn’t go as well as I hoped, I’m still optimistic about my results.

While typing out this blog post I switched over to my email account and saw that something in my UCAS application had changed. Queen Mary Uni hasn’t accepted me. Rejection hurts a lot. Hurts like a stubbed toe but 100 times worse and it’s more like a stubbed heart. I’m rambling I know.

I still have 2 more unis that still have to get back to and if all goes to hell then well, I can go to the London College. Something is better than nothing.

I’m craving a hot steaming plate of linguini and parmesan more than ever right now. I think that’s my cue to do a 30 minute session on the treadmill then settle down to chemistry assignments, organic chemistry ferdayz

Maybe after I’m done with everything then I can treat myself to an episode of Skins. I think I will have to explain my love-hate relationship with that show one day. It’s complicated and stupid, got my brain annihilated by sexy Skins. Guess it wants to play on my shame, on my shame (yaay for really bad references to Lady Gaga songs).

If anyone has any good novel recommendations then I am all ears. I don’t have enough time to pore over fiction these days but I still love reading before bed. I thoroughly recommend all of you to read The Dome by Stephen King though. I think I may read it again. I hope they don’t make a movie out of it because that would ruin all the images I conjured up in my mind in relation to the novel. Is it my favourite Stephen King book? 

Yes, yes it is.

Only the King can throw in diamond-head aliens into a novel and make it seem completely likely.

I think that is enough for today. I’ll indulge in some blog writing tomorrow when I’m back from college.