It’s another one of those dark days where nothing seems right and you look at yourself and burst into tears. You can’t quite place your emotions and that adds to the general feeling of gloom and doom. I feel I have PMS perpetually. I think that’s a bad thing. I know it’s not fair on the people around me. It’s definitely not fair on me.
I know I get almost everything I ask for. That makes me sound like an ungrateful brat but I’m not-honest. I work hard for the things I want and yes I know it is likely my parents do favour me over my brothers but I would rather give up my privileges and live a life as the unnoticed middle child.
The weight you have to bear as the first born is more than a little irritating. With all my uni issues and fam issues, I’m swimming against the tide at the moment. Then lo and behold my brother decides he wants a pow wow this morning. I’m up for a fight usually because it means I get to exercise my vocabulary but today it just put me in such a deep state of depression.
I spent my entire day watching Skins with a trembling lip. I feel horrid like someone’s punched me in the stomach and stole the novel I’m reading currently AND dumped a vat of kitty litter on my head. I know this feeling will pass because such things always do. You just shrug it off, put on your best ‘Eat My Shorts’ face and move on. It’s easier said than done but I think the thing I forgot often is that tomorrow IS another day. Yes I do want to bust out Gone with the Wind quotes but I think it is highly applicable in this case.
I go through people’s blogs and I’m in awe of these wonderful courageous people that I have never met physically but feel so in sync with otherwise. It gives me strength and I don’t feel as lonely. I also am aware that perhaps no one reads this blog or will read it but I’m alright with that. I think that in itself shows how I’ve matured over the years. To write a blog and not have someone read it would be a huge disappointment for me, say a year or so ago? But I’ve reached that stage where you know what world?! If you don’t care then I’m still going to do my shiz and try to feel just a little ickle bit happy while doing it.
Oh here’s a little tip for if you’re feeling a bit down too. Right, picture your favourite television show. Now pick out a character in that show who you fancy immensely and savour a long embrace with this character in your mind’s eye (mind you, this can be more than an embrace if you like).
I usually do not go for bad boys because well…they’re bad but I’ve been using this imagination technique with Cook from Skins and it is a wee bit sad but hey it makes me a happy pappy so there.
